"People are like grown trees, it's going to be difficult to change them unless you chop off their branches. A person with strong values is like bonsai - shaped and cultivated over the years."
The Chinese phrase 三岁定终身, which means a person's character at age 3 pretty much gives an indication of his character for life, carries a lot of parenting wisdom and is a constant explanation when I try to fathom why people are the way they are. For all the enrichment classes and skills parents try to impart to their kids to get them ahead in life, the one thing often neglected is the development of a child's character.
It is not by chance that a person has good life values - everything has to be painstakingly taught, moulded and influenced right from the very first day. A young child does not understand but can and definitely will imitate behaviour, so as parents, it is very important that you set a good example right from the start. Many parents don't realise this but one of the first lessons they teach their children is how to treat others. Treating someone with respect is definitely a very important life lesson taught at home. If you're going to be rude to your parents or to the domestic helper, chances are your child is going to be rude as well. If you act with a sense of superiority and expect your domestic helper to serve and clean up after your children, don't be surprised when they carry this mentality with them into adulthood and expect someone to still clean up after them.
Make it a point to impart the lesson of frugality and contentment to your child as early on in life as you can. Do not influence your child toward greed and wants, by filling their life with an excessive amount of toys and gadgets. Do not give in to every want of your child. It's normal for people to want more, but while you should not deprive your child, you should not encourage, especially not by you leading a life of excess. Many children now do not know the value of money and hard work because everything is given to them and majority have never had to work for anything they wanted.
Recently I did an experiment with my barely 3 year old niece. I bought a set of Hello Kitty cutlery (she loves Hello Kitty) and instead of giving it to her, I told her that they belonged to me and that I would only loan them to her whenever we ate together. While she agreed to my terms, she was very possessive over it. She would not let anyone else, except me, take it away or even carry it for her. Clearly she felt she was entitled to own this new fork and knife, and that no one was able to have it except her. But because I had made it clear to her right from the start that they belonged to me, she very willingly offered them to me when I reminded her that I had only loaned them to her. As a child, they do not really understand the concept of working to own something, except that if they want it, they can have it unless stated otherwise.
Remind your child as they grow up that not all wants are needs, and and not all wants need to be fulfilled. Encourage them to work hard to earn what they want, and most importantly to always remember to treat people with respect and humility, and to always be gracious and thankful.
