“The advice I like to give young artists, or really anybody who'll listen to me, is not to wait around for inspiration. Inspiration is for amateurs; the rest of us just show up and get to work. If you wait around for the clouds to part and a bolt of lightning to strike you in the brain, you are not going to make an awful lot of work. All the best ideas come out of the process; they come out of the work itself. Things occur to you. If you're sitting around trying to dream up a great art idea, you can sit there a long time before anything happens. But if you just get to work, something will occur to you and something else will occur to you and something else that you reject will push you in another direction. Inspiration is absolutely unnecessary and somehow deceptive. You feel like you need this great idea before you can get down to work, and I find that's almost never the case.”
― Chuck Close
I guess after 2 years of being pushed around, being ignorant and and lost a lot of the time, this is really how it is. There is no time for feeling lost. When you're discouraged, just pick yourself up and do. Even if you're scared, just do. No amount of wallowing in self pity or being too afraid to do anything, or even worse, being in a state of denial and escapism, will make things better. In fact, they just get worse because you were not doing enough to face them when the issues were smaller and more manageable.
Tuesday, 28 October 2014
Thursday, 9 January 2014
2014
The new year has been especially meaningful for me. I can't tell if it's for the better or not - somethings don't feel good, even though you know eventually you will be thankful it happened, it doesn't stop the feelings from being as intense and hurtful now. As someone said to me, "So it hasn't been a very pleasant new year for you." Indeed, it has not been a good one. It didn't turn out the way I expected it to at all - after all, New Years are usually reserved for new hopes and aspirations. For me, I think the good I can draw for this is a clean slate.
God does work in mysterious ways that I don't think I'll ever be able to understand. I'm just glad I discovered strength and rationality in myself that I never knew existed.
Sunday, 10 November 2013
Generosity of the heart
Someone told me today that I was being taken advantage of by some people close to me. Initially I wanted to disagree because the thought of me thinking badly of these people close to me just didn't sit very well, something like a bad thought and that I shouldn't be feeling that way. But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't deny that that was indeed what was happening. I was being taken advantage of. Yet the reason why I felt like it was a bad thought to have, was that these are the very same people who have helped me in some other way. I know it's not you take advantage of me this way and I take advantage of you some other way kinda thing, yet it made me feel like I was being ungrateful for thinking of them this way because I had been at the receiving end of their help as well.
I once read this quote during a temple tour - 人生最大的修养是宽容, that a person's greatest cultivation is tolerance. I think it actually takes a lot to not hold it against someone even when they do not treat you nicely. I for one cannot say that I am always able to do that. Maybe it would be easier to just not be so affected in the first place as everyone has different values.
Saturday, 2 November 2013
A thought a day for a week
1. Let go of negative people
Some people just drain you of all your energy. It happens. Don't try to save the world, you can't save everyone from their bad (seriously, can you even call it bad...) life of work/unfairness/unhappiness/love/whatever makes them think their life is bad. There just comes a point in time you need to cut these people out of your life before they drain every single drop of energy and positivity from you.
2. Stay true to yourself
Believe in yourself and live by the values you believe in. The more you try to be someone you're not, the more you lose yourself and your direction.
3. Look forward
Nothing will change the past. Harping on it and wallowing will only put you in a worse state that you're really in. Pack up and keep moving forward. Do not let your past disappointments keep you from achieving the things you can do. Also, refer to 1.
4. Nothing comes without hard work
No food for those who do not work - old but definitely wise Chinese saying. If you're working less that others, there is no reason you should be reaping more.
5. Gratitude
Do not forget all the grace and help you've received from those who have supported you when you were down. Count your blessings. You can never thank enough. Appreciate your lover too - it's never easy loving someone and all their weird antics.
6. Take the time to smell the flowers
There's always time to slow down and give the people who deserve your attention more time. Don't wait till time has passed before wishing you'd done more.
7. Think fast, decide fast, act fast
Be decisive and clear about what you want. Act fast or someone will beat you to it. That said, don't act on impulse too.
Some people just drain you of all your energy. It happens. Don't try to save the world, you can't save everyone from their bad (seriously, can you even call it bad...) life of work/unfairness/unhappiness/love/whatever makes them think their life is bad. There just comes a point in time you need to cut these people out of your life before they drain every single drop of energy and positivity from you.
2. Stay true to yourself
Believe in yourself and live by the values you believe in. The more you try to be someone you're not, the more you lose yourself and your direction.
3. Look forward
Nothing will change the past. Harping on it and wallowing will only put you in a worse state that you're really in. Pack up and keep moving forward. Do not let your past disappointments keep you from achieving the things you can do. Also, refer to 1.
4. Nothing comes without hard work
No food for those who do not work - old but definitely wise Chinese saying. If you're working less that others, there is no reason you should be reaping more.
5. Gratitude
Do not forget all the grace and help you've received from those who have supported you when you were down. Count your blessings. You can never thank enough. Appreciate your lover too - it's never easy loving someone and all their weird antics.
6. Take the time to smell the flowers
There's always time to slow down and give the people who deserve your attention more time. Don't wait till time has passed before wishing you'd done more.
7. Think fast, decide fast, act fast
Be decisive and clear about what you want. Act fast or someone will beat you to it. That said, don't act on impulse too.
Sunday, 25 August 2013
Train me up in the way I should go
"People are like grown trees, it's going to be difficult to change them unless you chop off their branches. A person with strong values is like bonsai - shaped and cultivated over the years."
The Chinese phrase 三岁定终身, which means a person's character at age 3 pretty much gives an indication of his character for life, carries a lot of parenting wisdom and is a constant explanation when I try to fathom why people are the way they are. For all the enrichment classes and skills parents try to impart to their kids to get them ahead in life, the one thing often neglected is the development of a child's character.
It is not by chance that a person has good life values - everything has to be painstakingly taught, moulded and influenced right from the very first day. A young child does not understand but can and definitely will imitate behaviour, so as parents, it is very important that you set a good example right from the start. Many parents don't realise this but one of the first lessons they teach their children is how to treat others. Treating someone with respect is definitely a very important life lesson taught at home. If you're going to be rude to your parents or to the domestic helper, chances are your child is going to be rude as well. If you act with a sense of superiority and expect your domestic helper to serve and clean up after your children, don't be surprised when they carry this mentality with them into adulthood and expect someone to still clean up after them.
Make it a point to impart the lesson of frugality and contentment to your child as early on in life as you can. Do not influence your child toward greed and wants, by filling their life with an excessive amount of toys and gadgets. Do not give in to every want of your child. It's normal for people to want more, but while you should not deprive your child, you should not encourage, especially not by you leading a life of excess. Many children now do not know the value of money and hard work because everything is given to them and majority have never had to work for anything they wanted.
Recently I did an experiment with my barely 3 year old niece. I bought a set of Hello Kitty cutlery (she loves Hello Kitty) and instead of giving it to her, I told her that they belonged to me and that I would only loan them to her whenever we ate together. While she agreed to my terms, she was very possessive over it. She would not let anyone else, except me, take it away or even carry it for her. Clearly she felt she was entitled to own this new fork and knife, and that no one was able to have it except her. But because I had made it clear to her right from the start that they belonged to me, she very willingly offered them to me when I reminded her that I had only loaned them to her. As a child, they do not really understand the concept of working to own something, except that if they want it, they can have it unless stated otherwise.
Remind your child as they grow up that not all wants are needs, and and not all wants need to be fulfilled. Encourage them to work hard to earn what they want, and most importantly to always remember to treat people with respect and humility, and to always be gracious and thankful.
The Chinese phrase 三岁定终身, which means a person's character at age 3 pretty much gives an indication of his character for life, carries a lot of parenting wisdom and is a constant explanation when I try to fathom why people are the way they are. For all the enrichment classes and skills parents try to impart to their kids to get them ahead in life, the one thing often neglected is the development of a child's character.
It is not by chance that a person has good life values - everything has to be painstakingly taught, moulded and influenced right from the very first day. A young child does not understand but can and definitely will imitate behaviour, so as parents, it is very important that you set a good example right from the start. Many parents don't realise this but one of the first lessons they teach their children is how to treat others. Treating someone with respect is definitely a very important life lesson taught at home. If you're going to be rude to your parents or to the domestic helper, chances are your child is going to be rude as well. If you act with a sense of superiority and expect your domestic helper to serve and clean up after your children, don't be surprised when they carry this mentality with them into adulthood and expect someone to still clean up after them.
Make it a point to impart the lesson of frugality and contentment to your child as early on in life as you can. Do not influence your child toward greed and wants, by filling their life with an excessive amount of toys and gadgets. Do not give in to every want of your child. It's normal for people to want more, but while you should not deprive your child, you should not encourage, especially not by you leading a life of excess. Many children now do not know the value of money and hard work because everything is given to them and majority have never had to work for anything they wanted.
Recently I did an experiment with my barely 3 year old niece. I bought a set of Hello Kitty cutlery (she loves Hello Kitty) and instead of giving it to her, I told her that they belonged to me and that I would only loan them to her whenever we ate together. While she agreed to my terms, she was very possessive over it. She would not let anyone else, except me, take it away or even carry it for her. Clearly she felt she was entitled to own this new fork and knife, and that no one was able to have it except her. But because I had made it clear to her right from the start that they belonged to me, she very willingly offered them to me when I reminded her that I had only loaned them to her. As a child, they do not really understand the concept of working to own something, except that if they want it, they can have it unless stated otherwise.
Remind your child as they grow up that not all wants are needs, and and not all wants need to be fulfilled. Encourage them to work hard to earn what they want, and most importantly to always remember to treat people with respect and humility, and to always be gracious and thankful.
Sunday, 28 July 2013
Wiki-card friends.
Over the weekend I met up for 3 different groups of people. It's really unlike me to have so many gatherings because I'm just a person who does not enjoy frequent get togethers. Friday, Saturday & Sunday - a different group each time. Yet something that struck me was how our conversations revolved around the same things over and over again. So for 3 days straight, I repeated the same story over and over again, each time wondering if it was really that interesting that people had to know about it. Each time I repeated it, I shortened it and finally, I summarised it to just a couple of lines. Surprisingly, even though my answers got shorter, the reactions I got each time were pretty much the same. That's when I started to wonder if people just like asking such questions - about your life, what you're doing, how's your job etc, but are not really listening to your answers, nor do they take a genuine interest in what you're saying.
It reminded me of a quote from one of my favourite books - The Little Prince.
Grown-ups love figures. When you tell them that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you, “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand: “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.
The Little Prince
It's really amazing how this excerpt completely expresses my thoughts. Everything has to be quantified, we then pass judgment based on our standards and how we rank these quantities. Sometimes I feel like we're just compiling wiki-cards on our friends - A has a job that earns him $XX, B is XX in XX company, C has XX and XX, drives XX. An information card. Have we really stopped wanting to know people other than for their possessions and titles? How about his favourite colour? What he likes to eat? What dreams/ambitions does he have? What is his favourite movie and why? And books? Habits? What makes him, him. Seeking to understand his character rather than just quantifiable information.
We've become so superficial. Equipped with these wiki-cards, we think we know a person, and then we judge them. Everyone has something to say, some judgment to pass, but never on themselves. Sometimes I think it's unfair to judge someone based on your standards and conclude that they don't make the cut. Why impose on others your views and standards when you don't listen to theirs? It's sometimes hard to contain your views, especially when you feel strongly about something. But there really is a line to be drawn between when an opinion is just an opinion, and when an opinion becomes judgmental.
Monday, 1 July 2013
Don't look back in anger
It's interesting to look back and see how you've changed over the years. After a couple of knocks here and there, some unhappy experiences, some heart breaks, people inevitably change.
Funny how the more you try to stand out from the crowd, the more you fade in, and the harder you try to blend in, the more you are noticed.
I'm drawn to people who have a story to tell. It could be about their their art, interest, or just about their mundane everyday life. The beauty of such stories is the realness in it. The lack of pretentiousness. They have nothing to prove.
They just keep on moving forward even if people don't agree with them. They are happy the way they are - leading a very simple life that matters only to them and whoever they're sharing their happiness with.
It's way too tiring to base your self worth on someone else's opinion. That would make you a person of little value as you are only as good as people think you are.
I'm drawn to people who have a story to tell. It could be about their their art, interest, or just about their mundane everyday life. The beauty of such stories is the realness in it. The lack of pretentiousness. They have nothing to prove.
They just keep on moving forward even if people don't agree with them. They are happy the way they are - leading a very simple life that matters only to them and whoever they're sharing their happiness with.
It's way too tiring to base your self worth on someone else's opinion. That would make you a person of little value as you are only as good as people think you are.
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