I once read this quote during a temple tour - 人生最大的修养是宽容, that a person's greatest cultivation is tolerance. I think it actually takes a lot to not hold it against someone even when they do not treat you nicely. I for one cannot say that I am always able to do that. Maybe it would be easier to just not be so affected in the first place as everyone has different values.
Sunday 10 November 2013
Generosity of the heart
Someone told me today that I was being taken advantage of by some people close to me. Initially I wanted to disagree because the thought of me thinking badly of these people close to me just didn't sit very well, something like a bad thought and that I shouldn't be feeling that way. But the more I thought about it, the more I couldn't deny that that was indeed what was happening. I was being taken advantage of. Yet the reason why I felt like it was a bad thought to have, was that these are the very same people who have helped me in some other way. I know it's not you take advantage of me this way and I take advantage of you some other way kinda thing, yet it made me feel like I was being ungrateful for thinking of them this way because I had been at the receiving end of their help as well.
Saturday 2 November 2013
A thought a day for a week
1. Let go of negative people
Some people just drain you of all your energy. It happens. Don't try to save the world, you can't save everyone from their bad (seriously, can you even call it bad...) life of work/unfairness/unhappiness/love/whatever makes them think their life is bad. There just comes a point in time you need to cut these people out of your life before they drain every single drop of energy and positivity from you.
2. Stay true to yourself
Believe in yourself and live by the values you believe in. The more you try to be someone you're not, the more you lose yourself and your direction.
3. Look forward
Nothing will change the past. Harping on it and wallowing will only put you in a worse state that you're really in. Pack up and keep moving forward. Do not let your past disappointments keep you from achieving the things you can do. Also, refer to 1.
4. Nothing comes without hard work
No food for those who do not work - old but definitely wise Chinese saying. If you're working less that others, there is no reason you should be reaping more.
5. Gratitude
Do not forget all the grace and help you've received from those who have supported you when you were down. Count your blessings. You can never thank enough. Appreciate your lover too - it's never easy loving someone and all their weird antics.
6. Take the time to smell the flowers
There's always time to slow down and give the people who deserve your attention more time. Don't wait till time has passed before wishing you'd done more.
7. Think fast, decide fast, act fast
Be decisive and clear about what you want. Act fast or someone will beat you to it. That said, don't act on impulse too.
Some people just drain you of all your energy. It happens. Don't try to save the world, you can't save everyone from their bad (seriously, can you even call it bad...) life of work/unfairness/unhappiness/love/whatever makes them think their life is bad. There just comes a point in time you need to cut these people out of your life before they drain every single drop of energy and positivity from you.
2. Stay true to yourself
Believe in yourself and live by the values you believe in. The more you try to be someone you're not, the more you lose yourself and your direction.
3. Look forward
Nothing will change the past. Harping on it and wallowing will only put you in a worse state that you're really in. Pack up and keep moving forward. Do not let your past disappointments keep you from achieving the things you can do. Also, refer to 1.
4. Nothing comes without hard work
No food for those who do not work - old but definitely wise Chinese saying. If you're working less that others, there is no reason you should be reaping more.
5. Gratitude
Do not forget all the grace and help you've received from those who have supported you when you were down. Count your blessings. You can never thank enough. Appreciate your lover too - it's never easy loving someone and all their weird antics.
6. Take the time to smell the flowers
There's always time to slow down and give the people who deserve your attention more time. Don't wait till time has passed before wishing you'd done more.
7. Think fast, decide fast, act fast
Be decisive and clear about what you want. Act fast or someone will beat you to it. That said, don't act on impulse too.
Sunday 25 August 2013
Train me up in the way I should go
"People are like grown trees, it's going to be difficult to change them unless you chop off their branches. A person with strong values is like bonsai - shaped and cultivated over the years."
The Chinese phrase 三岁定终身, which means a person's character at age 3 pretty much gives an indication of his character for life, carries a lot of parenting wisdom and is a constant explanation when I try to fathom why people are the way they are. For all the enrichment classes and skills parents try to impart to their kids to get them ahead in life, the one thing often neglected is the development of a child's character.
It is not by chance that a person has good life values - everything has to be painstakingly taught, moulded and influenced right from the very first day. A young child does not understand but can and definitely will imitate behaviour, so as parents, it is very important that you set a good example right from the start. Many parents don't realise this but one of the first lessons they teach their children is how to treat others. Treating someone with respect is definitely a very important life lesson taught at home. If you're going to be rude to your parents or to the domestic helper, chances are your child is going to be rude as well. If you act with a sense of superiority and expect your domestic helper to serve and clean up after your children, don't be surprised when they carry this mentality with them into adulthood and expect someone to still clean up after them.
Make it a point to impart the lesson of frugality and contentment to your child as early on in life as you can. Do not influence your child toward greed and wants, by filling their life with an excessive amount of toys and gadgets. Do not give in to every want of your child. It's normal for people to want more, but while you should not deprive your child, you should not encourage, especially not by you leading a life of excess. Many children now do not know the value of money and hard work because everything is given to them and majority have never had to work for anything they wanted.
Recently I did an experiment with my barely 3 year old niece. I bought a set of Hello Kitty cutlery (she loves Hello Kitty) and instead of giving it to her, I told her that they belonged to me and that I would only loan them to her whenever we ate together. While she agreed to my terms, she was very possessive over it. She would not let anyone else, except me, take it away or even carry it for her. Clearly she felt she was entitled to own this new fork and knife, and that no one was able to have it except her. But because I had made it clear to her right from the start that they belonged to me, she very willingly offered them to me when I reminded her that I had only loaned them to her. As a child, they do not really understand the concept of working to own something, except that if they want it, they can have it unless stated otherwise.
Remind your child as they grow up that not all wants are needs, and and not all wants need to be fulfilled. Encourage them to work hard to earn what they want, and most importantly to always remember to treat people with respect and humility, and to always be gracious and thankful.
The Chinese phrase 三岁定终身, which means a person's character at age 3 pretty much gives an indication of his character for life, carries a lot of parenting wisdom and is a constant explanation when I try to fathom why people are the way they are. For all the enrichment classes and skills parents try to impart to their kids to get them ahead in life, the one thing often neglected is the development of a child's character.
It is not by chance that a person has good life values - everything has to be painstakingly taught, moulded and influenced right from the very first day. A young child does not understand but can and definitely will imitate behaviour, so as parents, it is very important that you set a good example right from the start. Many parents don't realise this but one of the first lessons they teach their children is how to treat others. Treating someone with respect is definitely a very important life lesson taught at home. If you're going to be rude to your parents or to the domestic helper, chances are your child is going to be rude as well. If you act with a sense of superiority and expect your domestic helper to serve and clean up after your children, don't be surprised when they carry this mentality with them into adulthood and expect someone to still clean up after them.
Make it a point to impart the lesson of frugality and contentment to your child as early on in life as you can. Do not influence your child toward greed and wants, by filling their life with an excessive amount of toys and gadgets. Do not give in to every want of your child. It's normal for people to want more, but while you should not deprive your child, you should not encourage, especially not by you leading a life of excess. Many children now do not know the value of money and hard work because everything is given to them and majority have never had to work for anything they wanted.
Recently I did an experiment with my barely 3 year old niece. I bought a set of Hello Kitty cutlery (she loves Hello Kitty) and instead of giving it to her, I told her that they belonged to me and that I would only loan them to her whenever we ate together. While she agreed to my terms, she was very possessive over it. She would not let anyone else, except me, take it away or even carry it for her. Clearly she felt she was entitled to own this new fork and knife, and that no one was able to have it except her. But because I had made it clear to her right from the start that they belonged to me, she very willingly offered them to me when I reminded her that I had only loaned them to her. As a child, they do not really understand the concept of working to own something, except that if they want it, they can have it unless stated otherwise.
Remind your child as they grow up that not all wants are needs, and and not all wants need to be fulfilled. Encourage them to work hard to earn what they want, and most importantly to always remember to treat people with respect and humility, and to always be gracious and thankful.
Sunday 28 July 2013
Wiki-card friends.
Over the weekend I met up for 3 different groups of people. It's really unlike me to have so many gatherings because I'm just a person who does not enjoy frequent get togethers. Friday, Saturday & Sunday - a different group each time. Yet something that struck me was how our conversations revolved around the same things over and over again. So for 3 days straight, I repeated the same story over and over again, each time wondering if it was really that interesting that people had to know about it. Each time I repeated it, I shortened it and finally, I summarised it to just a couple of lines. Surprisingly, even though my answers got shorter, the reactions I got each time were pretty much the same. That's when I started to wonder if people just like asking such questions - about your life, what you're doing, how's your job etc, but are not really listening to your answers, nor do they take a genuine interest in what you're saying.
It reminded me of a quote from one of my favourite books - The Little Prince.
Grown-ups love figures. When you tell them that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you, “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand: “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.
The Little Prince
It's really amazing how this excerpt completely expresses my thoughts. Everything has to be quantified, we then pass judgment based on our standards and how we rank these quantities. Sometimes I feel like we're just compiling wiki-cards on our friends - A has a job that earns him $XX, B is XX in XX company, C has XX and XX, drives XX. An information card. Have we really stopped wanting to know people other than for their possessions and titles? How about his favourite colour? What he likes to eat? What dreams/ambitions does he have? What is his favourite movie and why? And books? Habits? What makes him, him. Seeking to understand his character rather than just quantifiable information.
We've become so superficial. Equipped with these wiki-cards, we think we know a person, and then we judge them. Everyone has something to say, some judgment to pass, but never on themselves. Sometimes I think it's unfair to judge someone based on your standards and conclude that they don't make the cut. Why impose on others your views and standards when you don't listen to theirs? It's sometimes hard to contain your views, especially when you feel strongly about something. But there really is a line to be drawn between when an opinion is just an opinion, and when an opinion becomes judgmental.
Monday 1 July 2013
Don't look back in anger
It's interesting to look back and see how you've changed over the years. After a couple of knocks here and there, some unhappy experiences, some heart breaks, people inevitably change.
Funny how the more you try to stand out from the crowd, the more you fade in, and the harder you try to blend in, the more you are noticed.
I'm drawn to people who have a story to tell. It could be about their their art, interest, or just about their mundane everyday life. The beauty of such stories is the realness in it. The lack of pretentiousness. They have nothing to prove.
They just keep on moving forward even if people don't agree with them. They are happy the way they are - leading a very simple life that matters only to them and whoever they're sharing their happiness with.
It's way too tiring to base your self worth on someone else's opinion. That would make you a person of little value as you are only as good as people think you are.
I'm drawn to people who have a story to tell. It could be about their their art, interest, or just about their mundane everyday life. The beauty of such stories is the realness in it. The lack of pretentiousness. They have nothing to prove.
They just keep on moving forward even if people don't agree with them. They are happy the way they are - leading a very simple life that matters only to them and whoever they're sharing their happiness with.
It's way too tiring to base your self worth on someone else's opinion. That would make you a person of little value as you are only as good as people think you are.
Thursday 30 May 2013
Music - Lenka, Dangerous and sweet
Been listening to this song on loop for a while now. It's such a cute song. Love is dangerous and sweet indeed. Nothing too dramatic or too suspicious. Just how it should be - playful, youthful, a little insecure, defensive, and also hurtful at times.
I should put on my armor the next time I see you
So I won't be harmed. I know I can shoot my own arrows.
I should put on my armor the next time I see you
So I won't be harmed. I know I can shoot my own arrows.
Wednesday 29 May 2013
Art - Handfalls by Ichi Ikeda
Paid the Art Science Museum a visit 2 weeks back and one display that really caught my attention was Handfalls - by Ichi Ikeda in the reflecting lily pond. It gave me a sense of calm and something to ponder about - even if not about his original message. It's admirable for a person to have such a strong sense of meaning and purpose in their life. It is really difficult to have that and many people, myself included, live a mediocre life with no purpose. It worries me that I may never find this meaning and purpose, and may end up leading a life of repetition where I'm just doing, instead of experiencing and growing.
Created in collaboration with DAW International, HANDFALLS is a kinetic installation with floating images of blooming lotus flowers and hands holding clear water, which combine with light reflections echoing from pond’s surface on to the buildings façade. Using the imagery of hands and lotus flowers, the project sends a strong message: “let’s create a new landscape for the future from here and now and contemplate the idea of a renewed relationship between the nature and the human beings”. The multiple images of hands holding clean water suggests that this water is perhaps not only the very same that grows the leaves and flower of lotus landscape created out of floating photographic images, but the hands themselves stand for a society fully loaded with hope and wishing for a good future. Joined, the images of natural flowers and human hands depict a new kind of a landscape woven by both nature and human crafts, hinting us all to find what the artists has called the “primary relations” between our life and surrounding environment, in order for it to become one and the same.
Digital Art Weeks (DAW)
Created in collaboration with DAW International, HANDFALLS is a kinetic installation with floating images of blooming lotus flowers and hands holding clear water, which combine with light reflections echoing from pond’s surface on to the buildings façade. Using the imagery of hands and lotus flowers, the project sends a strong message: “let’s create a new landscape for the future from here and now and contemplate the idea of a renewed relationship between the nature and the human beings”. The multiple images of hands holding clean water suggests that this water is perhaps not only the very same that grows the leaves and flower of lotus landscape created out of floating photographic images, but the hands themselves stand for a society fully loaded with hope and wishing for a good future. Joined, the images of natural flowers and human hands depict a new kind of a landscape woven by both nature and human crafts, hinting us all to find what the artists has called the “primary relations” between our life and surrounding environment, in order for it to become one and the same.
Digital Art Weeks (DAW)
Tuesday 21 May 2013
Food - Verandah @ Gardens by the Bay
14 May 2013
It's nice to be able to lunch with your family on a weekday. Often times we get so caught up with our work that it seems almost impossible to get together for lunch because of time constrains. We're pretty lucky to be able to do this often enough when we do pick the kids up from school. They're really excited when my parents pick them because it always means that they get to go out for lunch. Their simplicity of looking forward to have a loved one pick them up because they're excited to go out with them is really sweet. I think a lot of times now when someone picks us we're happy because it's a convenience to us more than us being excited to see them.
It's nice to be able to lunch with your family on a weekday. Often times we get so caught up with our work that it seems almost impossible to get together for lunch because of time constrains. We're pretty lucky to be able to do this often enough when we do pick the kids up from school. They're really excited when my parents pick them because it always means that they get to go out for lunch. Their simplicity of looking forward to have a loved one pick them up because they're excited to go out with them is really sweet. I think a lot of times now when someone picks us we're happy because it's a convenience to us more than us being excited to see them.
X-posted to glutTANs where we usually talk more about the food we had
Sunday 5 May 2013
Food - Le Cuisson
2nd May 2013
I much prefer the beginning of months to the end of months. Could be that it signifies, in some ways, new beginnings and being able to start on a fresh sheet. Even if it isn't so, I still feel fresher at the beginning just knowing it's the 1st. It allows me to let go of whatever baggage has been building up over the past month, and is a constant reminder to relax and just let all that unnecessary feelings go.
For some odd reason J was very chirpy that day. Normally I would be angry with him over that odd reason, but he was just too happy and refreshed I couldn't bring myself to be a wet blanket. On days that I do manage to relax and take things less seriously, I actually find myself smiling a lot more.
I much prefer the beginning of months to the end of months. Could be that it signifies, in some ways, new beginnings and being able to start on a fresh sheet. Even if it isn't so, I still feel fresher at the beginning just knowing it's the 1st. It allows me to let go of whatever baggage has been building up over the past month, and is a constant reminder to relax and just let all that unnecessary feelings go.
For some odd reason J was very chirpy that day. Normally I would be angry with him over that odd reason, but he was just too happy and refreshed I couldn't bring myself to be a wet blanket. On days that I do manage to relax and take things less seriously, I actually find myself smiling a lot more.
X-posted to glutTANs
For our thoughts on all the food that we eat
Monday 1 April 2013
#EatSingaporeFood
I'm getting sick of having all day breakfasts. It used to be interesting to visit all these new brunch places with such nicely done up spaces. The food was really secondary, the decor and company was the cake + icing I'd sit in a corner and enjoy my tea and spend some time with my family or with JR. Just like that, spending such quality time actually talking to each other and trying to understand more of people's thoughts and days.
Somehow along the way, it turned into a mini race - to go to all the must go food places, to take Instagram worthy food pictures. Now the icing was getting many likes for said Instagram photos. I won't deny I like those good food pictures, I like going to new places; but I was slowly losing myself to FakeBooking* (A new term I read from the papers today! Where people only post the good things and never show/tell you the bad behind it). Sometimes the food taste bad, but it still looks good. Instagram does that - it makes bad tasting food look good. Food for the eye, if I may say.
It really only hit me over dinner with my family last night. I was not having a good day and really just wanted to enjoy a simple dinner. Imagine my dread when the camera was whipped out! Not again! Having to let the camera eat before me. Yup, a daily occurrence. For no reason, out of no where, I just felt unhappy that every single meal had to be documented. Yes, I have a food blog (I don't really want to classify it as a food blog), but I started it just so I could share about food places, and the happy moments that we shared as a family. Instead of enjoying the moment, I was busy snapping food pictures and missing out on seeing the faces of my family. I made them wait before eating just so I could take a food photo. This wasn't the kind of family time I wanted. I wasn't spending proper time with my family. I wasn't enjoying my food. I was sharing this joy/food and trying to impress people who, really, didn't matter as much.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I really should spend more time with the things that really matter to me, and not what people make me think is important to me. I'm going to put in a constant effort to not be a FakeBooker and instead spend more time enjoying my time spent with my family. Just me and the little moments that I will share with my loved ones. I'm sure JR will be very happy :)
Rid yourself of vanity and #EatSingaporeFood.
I love Singapore food! No pretence, no posing. Just good comfort food.
Monday 18 March 2013
Food - Tiong Bahru Bakery
Spent an afternoon roaming around Tiong Bahru with my sister. It's one of those estates that I find very peaceful and open. Not too crowded, not too built up. It retains some sort of the past and introduces lots of quirky random things at the same time. The bakery really saw a mish mash of customers walking in and out. Didn't really like that it was so poseur-ish, yet it was, in a way, some sort comforting to have such a diverse mix of people coming and going.
Oh, I wish they would offer soy milk options for free.
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Travels - Lovely Lombok Paradise
14-19 Jan 2013
Lombok, Indonesia
Had an awesome awesome holiday to kick start the new year and am still wishing I was back in Lombok, sitting by the beach and lounging in the pool reading my kindle. We flew by SilkAir - afternoon inbound flights 3 times a week, and reached our hotel after 8pm. Wasn't the most ideal time but oh well. I think we were both shocked when we entered the hotel lobby because it was a lot better that what we expected. I didn't want to spend the money on a nice hotel since we were going to transfer to the next one tmr. J was like "wow" and I was just pleasantly surprised.
The next day we picked up some snacks before heading to Qunci Villa Hotels for our holiday. Got an Ocean View room. The spacious balcony overlooks the sea and the sound of the waves was just so calming (I didn't like the sound of the waves at night though, kinda noisy).
Asmara Restaurant - #3 Restaurant in Senggigi, Lombok
Read up on TripAdvisor and chose Asmara. They offer free pick up and drop off from your hotel. Food was mediocre and disappointing. If you like spicy food, then try Ayam Taliwang - J says they serve their chicken with the "grandfather of all belachans".
Didn't have any bands playing that night. So we headed back and just sat by the beach enjoying the lovely breeze.
The awesome part about Qunci room rates is that it includes a very very hearty breakfast. You can choose to have breakfast in any of their 2 restaurant (sea facing), or in your own room. The eggs benedict is really really good! They serve mainly English breakfast, with a plate of fruits, freshly squeezed fruit juice and coffee/tea. I loved waking up in the morning and having our breakfast by the beach.
Taman Restaurant - #4 in Senggigi, Lombok
After booking our dive trip we settled on Lunch at Taman restaurant. The main area of Lombok is pretty small so you can mostly walk to all the restaurants once you get to that area. The food was quite ok, better than Asmara in my opinion. I had Mee Soto! Loved it :)
Too hot so we headed back to cool off in the infinity pool. J has been obsessed with his Kindle since I bought it for him for Christmas.
After an afternoon spent reading on our kindles, we headed out for dinner.
Square Restaurant - #1 Restaurant in Senggigi, Lombok
The offer free transport as well. Arrived just in time to catch the beautiful colours from the sunset.
Had the 5 course set dinner and it was really really good. It was definitely one of the better meals I've had in a long time. I would say ditch Asmara and just visit the Square. (So good we visited a 2nd time but the food was very very disappointing.)
Woke up early and spent our day at Gili Trawangan. The sea was so pristine and the water was so clear! Much much better than nearby Bali. Everything had this laid back vibe and a lot less touristy and commercialized. I hated that about Bali. For someone who doesn't like the sweltering sun much, I was really happy to be at the beach because it was just so pretty. The sky was so blue and there were clean white sandy beaches.
Took a stroll around the island while waiting for our afternoon dive.
The perfect lounging spot after a tiring day of diving. Took the floats out again and just nua-ed the evening away.
The sunset was really beautiful and we had a great view of it. Dinner was at Quali Restaurant at the hotel and the food did not disappoint at all. Really fresh seafood and great service.
Miss waking up to this already. We were so reluctant to leave behind all the relaxing we had the past week.
I miss Lombok so much! Had a really awesome stay at Qunci Villas Hotel. The service was impeccable and it made us feel so welcomed. The hotel grounds were really nicely maintained and a lot of thought was put into the design of the villas. We even met the guys from Living Asia Channel there! It really was a much needed break before we kick started the new year and I felt totally recharged after my holiday.
Definitely heading back again soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)