Over the weekend I met up for 3 different groups of people. It's really unlike me to have so many gatherings because I'm just a person who does not enjoy frequent get togethers. Friday, Saturday & Sunday - a different group each time. Yet something that struck me was how our conversations revolved around the same things over and over again. So for 3 days straight, I repeated the same story over and over again, each time wondering if it was really that interesting that people had to know about it. Each time I repeated it, I shortened it and finally, I summarised it to just a couple of lines. Surprisingly, even though my answers got shorter, the reactions I got each time were pretty much the same. That's when I started to wonder if people just like asking such questions - about your life, what you're doing, how's your job etc, but are not really listening to your answers, nor do they take a genuine interest in what you're saying.
It reminded me of a quote from one of my favourite books - The Little Prince.
Grown-ups love figures. When you tell them that you have made a new friend, they never ask you any questions about essential matters. They never say to you, “What does his voice sound like? What games does he love best? Does he collect butterflies?” Instead, they demand: “How old is he? How many brothers has he? How much does he weigh? How much money does his father make?” Only from these figures do they think they have learned anything about him.
The Little Prince
It's really amazing how this excerpt completely expresses my thoughts. Everything has to be quantified, we then pass judgment based on our standards and how we rank these quantities. Sometimes I feel like we're just compiling wiki-cards on our friends - A has a job that earns him $XX, B is XX in XX company, C has XX and XX, drives XX. An information card. Have we really stopped wanting to know people other than for their possessions and titles? How about his favourite colour? What he likes to eat? What dreams/ambitions does he have? What is his favourite movie and why? And books? Habits? What makes him, him. Seeking to understand his character rather than just quantifiable information.
We've become so superficial. Equipped with these wiki-cards, we think we know a person, and then we judge them. Everyone has something to say, some judgment to pass, but never on themselves. Sometimes I think it's unfair to judge someone based on your standards and conclude that they don't make the cut. Why impose on others your views and standards when you don't listen to theirs? It's sometimes hard to contain your views, especially when you feel strongly about something. But there really is a line to be drawn between when an opinion is just an opinion, and when an opinion becomes judgmental.
